Friendship is one of the most important things in every person's life. However, if you have no friends at all, this does not mean that your life should be miserable. Learn to cope with this situation by developing a kind attitude and empathy for yourself. Also, learn to find joy in your loneliness. Of course, loneliness can be a real challenge. However, by enlisting the support of others, as well as developing a positive attitude, you can cope with the lack of friends. Also, don't isolate yourself from others. Spend time where you can meet new people. Treat your new acquaintances as potential friends.

Steps

Deal with loneliness

Develop a kind attitude and empathy for yourself. It means treating yourself with love, respect, and kindness. Are you going through a difficult period in your life? Trust me, you are not alone. It is difficult to find a person who would not have these feelings. Everyone faces loneliness sooner or later. Feeling lonely does not mean that something is wrong with you. In fact, this is what makes you human!

Accept your feelings. Feeling lonely is a painful emotional experience. However, it is important to accept this feeling rather than trying to suppress it. Take time to analyze your emotions and feelings. Notice the lump in the throat, pressure in the chest, and a feeling of emptiness in the stomach. Thanks to this, you can move on to the next step - overcoming your feelings.

• If you cannot help crying when analyzing your feelings, cry. There is no shame in expressing your emotions. You will feel much better if you give vent to tears.
• The analysis of feelings and emotions does not mean at all that you need to go headlong into thinking about your inner feelings. Taking the time to analyze your feelings can help you overcome them.

1. Focus on achieving your goals. If you are feeling lonely, use all your strength and energy to achieve your goals. Are you dreaming of further education? Study hard and get good grades. If you want to travel, start saving money.

   Do what you like. It is quite possible to enjoy being alone. The main thing is to do what brings you pleasure. Perhaps you enjoy writing, hiking, or drawing. Do what you like. Your mood will improve. Plus, you can get to know yourself better.

   • Visit an exhibition of your favorite artist. You may not like the idea that you have to go alone. However, when you come to the exhibition, you will not feel lonely. You will meet many people who have something in common - love for the paintings of a certain artist.

2. Spend time with your family. Your family members live under the same roof with you. They can make great friends, even if at first glance you don't think so. Spend time with your parents or siblings. Visit them as often as possible. You may think that they are of no use, and that they cannot help you during difficult times in your life, but they are not.

   • Establish a new and interesting tradition in your family, such as spending a Friday night playing games. Don't forget pizza!

3. Get a pet. Of course, animals cannot replace humans, but they can become loyal friends, able to reduce stress levels and fill your life with meaning. You can take your dog or cat from your local animal shelter. Very often, pets help you find new friends! Sometimes animals act as a link in communication. Having a pet will give you an excuse to go outside and chat with other pet owners on the street or in the park.

Find friends

Be the first to start a conversation. We are surrounded by many potential friends every day. However, we may feel fear at the mere thought that we need to approach a person and start a conversation with him. Don't give up on your intention - you can do it! Take a deep breath and ask the stranger a question or comment on the situation you are in. People love talking about themselves and their interests, so build your conversation with the person by following this rule.

• For example, imagine you are queuing at a grocery store. In front of you in the same line is a teenager who plays on his smartphone. You might say, “You're doing great. What is the purpose of this game? "
• Try asking an open-ended question that requires a detailed answer from the person instead of the monosyllabic yes or no.
• An example of an open-ended question requiring a detailed answer: “You said you love skiing. What do you like the most about this? "

1. Look for opportunities to be in society. If you are feeling lonely or insecure with other people, you may be reluctant to attend parties and similar events. However, these events offer opportunities for the development of communication skills. Throw away your fears and worries and go to the party to which you received an invitation. Believe me, this is a justified risk. He will be rewarded with new friends!

   • Observe people around you. This helps to ensure that you like them even before you get to know them better. In psychology, this method is called the simple exposure effect. Pick a place where there are people, such as a cafe, and spend time there. You can make friends with the employees of the chosen institution or the regulars of this cafe.

2. Be a positive person with other people. People are drawn to those who radiate positive energy. Speak kindly about others. While gossip may generate interest in others, it actually gets in the way of building strong friendships. Also, don't forget to smile! You will look friendly and sweet.

To avoid intrusive SPAM messages and communication with unwanted users, the VKontakte social network allows a person to close access to personal correspondence with him, limiting the circle of people who can write to him, for example, only to friends or to friends and their friends. This is an important and handy feature that every social network should have, but it can lead to some difficulties. If a user who is not your friend urgently needs to contact you, and you have such restrictions, he may have difficulties with this. However, they are easy enough to overcome, and within the framework of this article we will consider how to write to a person in VK if his personal is closed.

Send a message along with a friend request

No user can turn off the ability to add themselves as friends, and this can be used if you need to send a message to a person. In order for your message to be sent along with the friendship request, you need to do the following:

When the user then sees your friend request, they will display it along with this message.

Please note: This method is not the most effective, since not all users regularly check the list of friend requests, often doing it every few days, weeks or months, which is why your urgent message may not be read by the addressee in a timely manner.

Contact user via notifications

Another way to contact the user is to send them a notification. You can do this from any group or from your personal page, just mention the user in the message as follows:

The person whose ID was used in the message will receive a notification. By clicking on it, he will be able to read the message that was sent.

Contact the user through group dialogs

Perhaps the best way to contact a user is to use group dialogs. It is necessary that one of your mutual friends create a dialogue in which they would add both of you, after which you can correspond with each other.

If you need to contact a person whose personal account is closed, and you do not know any of his friends, you can try to find a friend of his who has private messages open. Contact such a friend and describe the situation to him. Ask him to add to your dialogue the person with whom you need to talk.

Despite the fact that it is most likely to get in touch with a person in this way, since VKontakte users regularly check their messages, this method is still very complicated and requires the ability to negotiate with strangers who will unite you with the addressee in one dialogue.

Send a message with a gift

Another way to connect with a stranger is to send them a message along with a gift. This will require:

As you can see, there are plenty of ways to contact the user if his private messages are closed. If you urgently need to "reach out" to a person, you can use all the above options.

There is no doubt that we need friends, and communication provides certain advantages in life. However, scientists do not eat their bread in vain and consider the obvious points from a scientific point of view. In order to dot the i's, a study was conducted, the purpose of which was to get an answer to one simple question: does communication really help a person feel happy?

Unexpected Experiment Results

The observation was carried out over 15,000 people aged 18 to 28 years. The participants in the experiment lived in areas with different population densities, which is why they could communicate with their friends at different intervals. The results surprised the team of psychologists somewhat, but at the same time the findings give us good food for thought.

Three main findings were drawn

Evolutionary psychologists Satoshi Kanazawa (London School of Economics) and Norman Lee (Singapore Management University) have come to several conclusions. First, people living in densely populated areas feel less satisfied with their lives. Secondly, in order to feel happy, most of us strive for constant communication and close connection with friends and like-minded people. And the more points of contact between people, the livelier the topics of conversation, the more complete the satisfaction. And this is nothing extraordinary.

Only the third conclusion amazed scientists. It turns out that people with high intelligence are an exception to the second rule. A smart person does not need constant communication with friends, colleagues and like-minded people. Intellectuals express less life satisfaction when they are too socially active.

People with a high level of intelligence have a narrow social circle

The brain of an intelligent person is not structured like that of the average person. This can leave its mark on everything, including the desire for communication. According to scientists, life is difficult for intellectuals, while they (intentionally or not) are placed in their own isolated and cramped world. Some of us will never accept or understand this, but for people with above average intelligence, social activity can be compared to a burden or even an inevitable evil.

Most geniuses are loners

It is difficult to get along with a person who makes too high demands on others. This is why most geniuses are loners. Only a small circle of the elite is given to accept and understand all their amazing features. In addition, for an intelligent person, the very topic of communication is more important than having a friend. He will never chase quantity at the expense of quality and feels great, even if no one in the whole world understands him.

Precious time is used to achieve long-term goals

What do you use your free time for? Many of you are happy to devote your days off to your favorite hobbies or socializing with friends. The intellectual has a completely different goal. He is not used to resting or idly spending time, this person seeks to realize all the potential inherent in him by nature. He uses most of his free time to pursue long-term goals. Intellectuals find their happiness not in communicating with people, but in professional activity. And they cannot afford the lack of good results.

Interacting with people often distracts from the process.

Do you need communication with a doctor working on a cancer vaccine? Of course no. The same can be said for a writer who methodically creates his best novel. The work of these people is aimed at the end result and depends only on their knowledge, intuition and inspiration. Well, interaction with other people often distracts intellectuals from painstaking work. They are irritated when external influences are capable of breaking their inner harmony. And this negatively affects the feeling of happiness.

People who are not subject to the laws of evolution

Our distant ancestors, who came out of the African savannah, settled in small communities of 150 people each. They were forced to stick to each other in order to survive in a hostile environment. Currently, this evolutionary feature is also manifested in a large metropolis, when people prefer to acquire families, close friends and just good acquaintances. A well-formed social circle gives a feeling of happiness and comfort. However, an intellectually developed person relies only on his own strength in this life. He feels confident in himself, even if there is not a single friend nearby. This personality can adapt to any conditions and has not lived according to the laws of evolution for a long time.

I always read with such longing letters from readers that describe how lonely they are. They do not have a circle of friends, they cannot make friends, although they really want to. And they walk in some kind of vicious circles - the worse it turns out, the more despair, the stranger the behavior, the more everyone shies away from them, the more difficult it is to make new friends.

And sometimes, at least it is clear what a person is doing wrong - sitting and waiting for the weather by the sea, complaining, or behaving somehow inadequately, demanding things from people that should not be expected and demanded from anyone. But there are others - who write what they tried, what books they read, how they analyzed their experience. And you think - well, here's an active person, he doesn't sit still, tries to see himself from the outside, tries normal things. Hard to understand, why can't he?

But here are two things I noticed that slip through the vast majority of such questioners.

And these are not even two separate points, but two sides of the same problem.

First, they somehow not very correct imagine what friendship is.

Secondly, they have a strange idea of ​​it, they do not find the necessary number of friends necessary to make it easy to be friends with them.

I here once asked people how many friends they have. Means real friends. Straight friends, friends. Few named more than three. Many say that there is not a single real friend-friend or girlfriend. At the same time, among the respondents - a huge number of people with a very turbulent social life. They have many friends, they meet with them, chat, call back, go to the movies. In general, they do everything that the authors of letters in the "I'm all alone" style dream about.

And when you start to correspond with these lonely people who really want to find someone, they very often complain that “Well,oooosuccessful yet… you know, I don’t mean such superficial friendly relations - I want to find a friend! Here a real friend! So that not a stranger, but a friend! "

And then they list what they want to do with this friend, that is, roughly speaking, why do they need this friend. And then it begins: “To go to the cinema, to chat, to discuss hobbies, adventures, children, films, books, to go to the gym, to dance ...” And it turns out that a real friend can be one or two, he is a real one, there are not many of them. And they want to do with him all-all listed.

But in fact - look at these real friendships, at those whom people call their real friend. it rarely the person you do straight to everything.

Well, one thing, some kind of interest, usually you share with a friend. Or a couple. But a good friend is not at all the person to whom you constantly tell all your affairs, with whom you go everywhere, and spend all your free time! In general, I know very few people who could be such a friend. After all, people have their own lives.

Take a closer look at everyone who has friends and who lives a full life, having as much communication as they want. How long do they see their real friends? How often do they call back? Not so much, it turns out. True friend is really something special. Maybe you talk to him once a month. But if something really serious happens, where you need serious help, support, trust - he will be one of those who can be asked. Who will help with something that people do not do for everyone.

But ... again. These people who do not have friends and supposedly do not know how to be friends (or do not have much positive experience in this matter) - look what they list when you ask "what can you do only with a friend."

The very first thing everyone says is "to have a heart-to-heart talk." This is the first mistake! You can talk heart to heart with a lot of people! And you need to! Not only with your one and only best friend!

It will become easier! Get advice! Hear opinions! Maybe you yourself will understand a lot and put it on the shelves for yourself, trying to explain to others. Not only friends, but also very many friends, even not very close ones, are suitable for "talking heart to heart". Not counting psychologists, strangers on the Internet, and some one-time counter - on the train or in a bar. I'm serious!

And some people think that everything depends on Topics. And about sex, for example ... or about family problems ... But in fact - yes easily! Do you know how many strangers they've already talked to me about their sexual problems! In the first 10 seconds, you are surprised, and then you realize that the person just decided that it might be interesting for us to talk about it. And he has a problem that interests him. So he took it and talked.

And about the brother in prison, and about the alcoholic mother, and about the robber's son - whoever has not complained to me! Very often on the very first day of acquaintance! Or over a second cup of coffee in your life! And you don't need 25 years of preliminary friendship for this! And you don't need to throw everything, everything you need to talk about, on one or two only friends! Have pity on them. It's hard to work with only one vest for someone! Anyone will get bored. Especially considering that if someone has a problem, he wants to talk about it often and a lot. So - talk to different people. It will be easier for everyone and no one will run away, because he was bored with this topic.

Or here: help. Even a neighbor can help in something very simple. Now, if someone's house burned down and right tonight the whole family has nowhere to spend the night - the first person who is asked for help are close friends, yes. But in order to drag the cabinets to help during the move, or give advice on how to defeat some kind of software and set up mail - you do not need a closest friend. You can ask a colleague, a friend. Actually, even here - even the entire Internet, anonymously.

In general, I mean that people mentally imagine this "close friend" - as such an outlet for all occasions. And they would like to find such a universal outlet - found two and do everything with them. And they, realizing that they are the only ones in the world, quickly run away. Because even for the most pleasant "hobby" no one wants to answer at once with his whole life and all his time.

Make these friends a lot and different! Let someone go to the movies with you only once every six months. If you have 20 people like that, you will often go to the movies with someone! Do not load on one person at once the whole burden of responsibility for all your happiness. And if five out of thirty do not have a year for you, your world will not collapse!

Friendship is overrated. In the sense that they are trying to cram too many "responsibilities" into them, which in general no person himself can bear.

And friends are underestimated. Because people "looking for a friend" somehow think that a friend is nobody at all. And if not the closest friend, then it means "fi".

But in life it is not so. Sometimes there are many shades between the closest friend and cheerful companionship. And these very best friends, too, were not like that from birth. At first they were colleagues, neighbors, friends. And then someone became close to someone and became closer friends. This does not work with anyone in 5 minutes.

And in the preliminary and intermediate stages between zero and the jackpot, you can find a lot of happiness, wonderful conversations, real warmth, participation, love, the brightest moments in life. You just need to take what they give, with gratitude, to enjoy it. And not to whine all the time that it is not quite suitable, because in addition to this, they did not immediately offer a hand, a heart and the keys to their whole life.

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The Internet is undoubtedly the great invention of mankind. Thanks to him, we have at our disposal terabytes of information. And also privacy and depersonalization, that is, the ability to do whatever you want online. Many people, to everyone's horror, took this as a call to action and began to do things that terribly pissed off others.

We are in website collected 10 types of people who are especially annoying in the vastness of the World Wide Web. The traits of these characters can be hidden in any of us, the only question is how often we show them. And the last two types described in this article are usually the most pissed off.

1. Aggressor

• Motto: "Give me a reason to pounce on you!"

These people seem to only go online in search of conflict, which is why they are especially fond of topics such as religion, politics, art, or parenting. They disagree with you on everything and are ready to lash out just because you do not share their point of view. Reasonable arguments are not given, trying to prick you as painfully as possible, finding any weak point.

• What to do? Do not get into conflict... Such people are real energy vampires, they are delighted with your rage. Don't give them such joy. Everyone has the right to their point of view, but it is not at all necessary to impose it on others. In advanced cases, the "Add to blacklist" button solves the problem.

2. Sufferer

• Motto: "Everything is bad, but it will be even worse".

To the question "How are you?" you will never hear "Good" or even "Normal" from them. Such people in colors will tell you that life is pain, prices are rising, children are not listening, husband is a fool, health is not to hell and the whole world is against them. They will describe all their misadventures for a long time, not listening to your advice and not noticing your attempts to dodge a conversation like: "Oh, my milk ran out."

• What to do? Don't let yourself be a vest. Everyone has a hard time, and you don't always feel good either. But such people prefer not to solve problems, but to complain to everyone about the imperfection of the world. Appreciate your time and nerves - offer them the services of an experienced psychologist.

3. Positive

• Motto: "Life is wonderful, gentlemen, why aren't you smiling?"

The complete opposite of the sufferer: such people are always wonderful, they are constantly in a great mood, and it seems that a unicorn is about to jump out from around the corner and take them to the country of Fantasy. These people are so sweet and kind that they look like plastic dolls from the movie "The Stepford Wives". They will write to any of your posts that the world is wonderful, and will send you cats and butterflies to your feed.

• What to do? Nothing if it doesn't annoy you. Usually such people try to pass off wishful thinking, and, as the authors of the book "Words Can Change Your Brain," Andrew Newberg and Mark Waldman believe, this practice has worked well. At the same time, be careful: Oscar Wilde wrote that he does not trust people who do not have a single bad habit.

4. Expert

• Motto: "And now I will teach you life".

These people left and right hand out advice about life, even when they are not asked to. They know everything: what hairstyle you should wear this season, which university to choose and how often you need to wash your hood in the kitchen. And everything would be fine, but these tips sound like hints of your stupidity and narrow-mindedness. Moreover, the "expert" will check whether you are following his recommendations. If not, wait for the storm. By the way, these people usually don't know much about what they advise others.

• What to do? Listen, thank and do it your way. Such people usually use advice to increase their self-esteem, a sense of importance and importance to others.

5. Plagiarist

• Motto: "Oh, yes, half of the Internet content is my handiwork.".

Their profile is filled with quotes from great people, which they shamelessly pass off as their own. It seems that none of their messages were written without using the Ctrl + C and Ctrl + V keys. They find more or less interesting materials and post them, not considering it necessary to indicate the authorship. At some point in their album you find your drawing with the caption: "So I decided to experiment with paints." However, they also collect incriminating information. You never know.

• What to do? Do not post detailed descriptions of your plans and ideas that others may "requisition" on the web. Use copyrights, engage the public in the face of a network audience, write to the person if you doubt his honesty. By the way, on many Internet resources plagiarists are fun to laugh at.

6. Fitonyashka

• Motto: "I declare my transformation into a superwoman open".

Healthy lifestyles, exercise, proper nutrition are all great, but if your social media feed has turned into a Bikini Fitness in Women's Dressing Room competition, it's annoying. Moreover, you can also try to guide you on the right path, scolding for the pie eaten after 18:00 and proving that a raw food diet is the choice of a reasonable person.

• What to do? Hide from the news particularly violent representatives of the wrinkled war. Some are determined and in response to attempts to recruit them into their sect, they send photos of their mother's cutlets. However, you can join their ranks, only, please, without protruding butts and albums in the spirit of "Me and a barbell", "Me and an exercise bike", "Me and a protein shake."

7. Unrecognized genius

• Motto: “ Who is the most beautiful and talented here? I!"

These people are sincerely convinced that they are endowed with the most extraordinary talents and abilities, but the cruel world is not able to appreciate all their greatness and genius. Every day they will shower you with their creations - poems, drawings, guitar songs, photos of street landscapes - demanding your approval and praise. And if you dare to notice that the "masterpiece" needs to be slightly modified, the "genius" will be mortally offended.

• What to do? Try to be objective, but not categorical. If you don't want to offend your friend, just say that you are not a pro in this area, and advise you to find an editorial office / producer / investor and cooperate with them. And it is worth remembering that there were great geniuses who were not appreciated during their lifetime. The same Van Gogh. Although it is unlikely that he showed his paintings to friends, demanding admiration.

8. Likoman

• Motto: "Well, like it, well, please!"

The pathological addiction to approval and likes on social media has grown to enormous proportions. Scientists are sounding the alarm: young people tend to measure the degree of their popularity and importance by the number of subscribers and "hearts". And now you receive a message from a friend: "I have uploaded a new photo from Egypt, will you like it?"

• What to do? It seems that the problem can be solved only by banning the pest. If someone you know loves such things, we recommend that you do not write posts like “I missed the Warcraft cinema - you should look”, otherwise a short story and an “expert” assessment will be waiting for you in the comments in 3 minutes.

Which of these types do you find most annoying? Or can everyone be understood and forgiven?